I Love You, Beth Cooper - Review (crude and predictable)

Just because a movie is teen-oriented doesn’t mean it has to be a crappy movie. Just think about some of the great teen movies from the past: “The Breakfast Club,” “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” and “Sixteen Candles” come to mind. Maybe this generation needs another John Hughes.

At any rate, “I Love You, Beth Cooper” is not one of those good teen movies. It’s mediocre, at best, and it’s not because director Chris Columbus doesn’t have the chops for it. After all, his writing/directing/producing credits include “Mrs. Doubtfire,” “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” and “Night at the Museum.” All great movies. Things just didn’t click with this one.

The story follows a popular teenager named Beth Cooper (Hayden Panettiere) attending Buffalo Grove High School. She’s mortified to learn that the valedictorian, Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust), has had a thing for her for years, a fact that he blurts out in his graduation speech. It’s the classic nerd-loves-cheerleader storyline.

In fact, Denis has never been what you’d call a renegade –- never broke curfew, never drank alcohol, never got into a fistfight or drove a fast car. But when his best friend Rich (Jack T. Carpenter) goads him into telling the utter and embarrassing truth — “I love you, Beth Cooper” — during his valedictory address, things change. Drastically.

Beth and her two best friends, Cammy (Lauren London) and Treece (Lauren Storm), show up at Denis and Rich’s graduation night party, along with Beth’s bullying boyfriend Kevin (Shawn Roberts). And when Kevin tries to pick a fight with Denis, Beth whisks Denis, Rich, Cammy and Treece away in her beat-up Cabriolet. And that’s just the beginning of this wild and crazy night which turns out to be one of the most memorable of Denis’ life.

Memorable for Denis maybe, but not for moviegoers. That’s the trouble. There’s really nothing memorable about this movie. It’s cliche and predictable. All of the characters are so stereotypical that it hurts – nerd, cheerleader, bully, closet gay, giggly best friends … they’re all here.

What made “The Breakfast Club” so great is that while the characters started out stuck squarely in their particular clique, by the end of the movie, you could see all the many layers of each character. No one was who we thought they were at the beginning. But at the end of “I Love You, Beth Cooper,” the characters are all pretty much the same as they started.

I wish I could recommend this movie, because I like Hayden Panettiere and Paul Rust, but it’s just not there.

NOTE TO PARENTS: This movie includes several scenes involving sex and foreplay, including a “threesome,” girls undressing and showering in front of guys, and conversations about erections and sexual orientation. A parent tells his son where to find his stash of condoms and encourages him to have sex. A girl blows up a condom like a balloon. A guy’s head ends up in a girl’s lap, where he sees her panties with “Hello” written on them. A married couple makes out in a car, and when the guy’s cellphone vibrates, he puts it down his wife’s skirt. Language includes “f-k,” “s-t,” “p—y,” “a-hole,” “bitch,” “hell,” “oh my God,” “damn,” “boners,” “slut,” “goddamn,” “ass,” etc. (in short, an overabundance of crude language for a PG-13 movie). Teens drink and drive recklessly, and the only redeeming quality of this movie is that Denis helps Beth feel better about herself and her future. It’s not enough, though.

Photo Credit: Joe Lederer, TM and © Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All Rights Reserved.