It’s true…I ‘m not fond of them. I suppose that technically, given that I write this little blog, I am considered one of them, but I do hope that it’s a cross I won’t have to bear in any kind of permanent form for a long while yet. It’s not so much that they have opinions - we all do - or that we’re sometimes forced to read/hear those opinions even when we may not care a whit for the person’s brain or integrity, it’s that the industry churns out additions to critic stereotypes as quickly as it makes blockbusters. There are four main categories of critics, as far as I can see, each with their own agenda and each leaving their very special mark on the movie biz.

Type Yay!: Likes everything. Likes seeing those screening offerings in their mailbox and wants to keep the trend going. Likes the movies that everyone else hates.

Type Ney!: Hates everything. Egotistically determined to strike fear into the hearts of directors everywhere. Hates the movies that everyone likes.

In between you have the Lurkers, who will see which way the tower of reviews seems to be leaning before weighing in with their ‘own’ opinons. Ever wonder why reviews start sounding the same, and why movies tend to receive several very similar ratings from every corner of the critic world? Lurkers. Happy to go along with whatever seems to be the general consensus.

Covering both extremes at once are the Boat-Rockers, who are only out for their 15 minutes of fame and will say anything and everything to get some attention. They’ll flip flop between hating a movie that has been declared a resounding success, to adoring a film that has been dismissed as a waste of celluloid. Whatever the common sentiment is, you can bet Boat-Rockers will be against it, and not just that, but against it with such a vehement stance that makes me think that they’re the ones who deserve the Oscars.

Where do I fit in? That’s hardly for me to judge.